WILL SNARK FOR FOOD

good idea: bitch about it to a sympathetic friend

better idea: send out a shit ton of resumes

best idea: do it while drinking third beer of the night

talldecafcappuccino asked: Oh my god when I read your thing about the "I ate the bone?!" commercials I totally glossed over the Hannibal part. THAT IS SO DISTURBING.

That’s why I am such an AMAZING WRITER, my words have LAYERS and NUANCES and they REWARD REPEATED READINGS. I’m creating complex art here, motherfuckers!

*drops the mic*

talldecafcappuccino:

willsnarkforfood:

talldecafcappuccino:

I wrote a parody of that Dove Real Beauty Sketches commercial, but the original is supes long which is making the parody also supes long. Which, boo.

Those KFC “I ate the bones?!” ads, which really unfortunately keep playing during Hannibal.

I had no idea what you were talking about and I just looked it up and I…don’t really know what to feel…I think I’m confused because I have no idea what the proper reaction is to thinking you or someone you know “ate the bones.” These people are acting like they just dropped a baby down the stairs and didn’t realize they were even holding a baby. Idk, that’s the first analogy that came to mind. This is weird. This better not catch on.

It’s also like “KFC: Our food is best consumed in a total stupor where you pay no attention to it whatsoever!” Totally makes me want to buy your product, dude.

Very odd woman at The Great Gatsby who refuses to let anyone sit near her (via talldecafcappuccino)

Every time I sell tickets to a show that only has one person in it, I try to get the people to pick the seats on either side of that one person.

So far no one has taken me up on it.

(via willsnarkforfood)

You know, your theaters make it very difficult to attend as a single person. There are always pairs of seats open and couples staggered two seats away from other couples which means I have to choose which date to crash/make supremely awkward.

Edit: It’s important to note these theaters make you choose your seats from a computer screen thereby modernizing the game of Russian Roulette for both the tech age and the age of raging social anxiety. 

Oh, I constantly see people leaving only one space between them and the currently occupied seats. Sometimes they’ll pick seats two away and then change their mind because they think one seat means no one will buy it. I kind of want to grab them by the shoulders and say “We live in a post-Bowling Alone world and this is the most popular movie in America right now, do you think no one will buy that seat? They will,” but as my main objection to the practice is that it makes people take a really long time to pick their seats, I don’t think this is a terribly effective way of dealing with it.

And then I smirk when I see a single person buy that seat.

(via talldecafcappuccino)

talldecafcappuccino:

I wrote a parody of that Dove Real Beauty Sketches commercial, but the original is supes long which is making the parody also supes long. Which, boo.

Those KFC “I ate the bones?!” ads, which really unfortunately keep playing during Hannibal.

Very odd woman at The Great Gatsby who refuses to let anyone sit near her (via talldecafcappuccino)

Every time I sell tickets to a show that only has one person in it, I try to get the people to pick the seats on either side of that one person.

So far no one has taken me up on it.

that was a thing that happened

I respect a woman who knows what she wants